Ok some of this is really pretty funny
Will Steelers go 16-0?
By Joe Starkey
Friday, June 22, 2007
It's always too early to look ahead to Steelers season. So let's.
Keep in mind that the regular season can't possibly be as calamitous as the offseason. Can it?
Sept. 9, at Browns: The Steelers dedicate game to ex-teammate Richard Seigler and win on his favorite play -- the hooker-and-lateral. Steelers 38, Browns 35.
Sept. 16, vs. Bills: Deeply disturbed by an e-mail from former line coach Larry Zierlein, Bills commit 40 penalties. Steelers 21, Bills 3.
Sept. 23, vs. 49ers: Disgruntled tailback Kevan Barlow rips the Steelers, 49ers, Jets, Seigler, Zierlein and, of course, Walt Harris. Steelers 75, 49ers 0.
Sept. 30, at Cardinals: Ben Roethlisberger throws a pick just so he can sprint to the Arizona sideline and deck Ken Whisenhunt. Cardinals 27, Steelers 20.
Oct. 7, vs. Seahawks: Five Seahawks touchdowns are wiped out on an offensive pass interference call. Steelers 21, Seahawks 10.
Oct. 21, at Broncos: Javon Walker catches seven TD passes, all on fade patterns against Ike Taylor. Broncos 49, Steelers 13.
Oct. 28, at Bengals: The suspension-ravaged Bengals field five players. Marvin Lewis blames Cincinnati police. Carson Palmer doubles as a defensive tackle, dominates Alan Faneca and takes several shots at Roethlisberger's knees. Steelers 75, Bengals 3.
Nov. 5, vs. Ravens: The Steelers come out flying on Dr. Richard Rydze Bobblehead Night. Rydze, a former team internist, is honored at halftime for the wonderful work he did with the area's growth hormone-deficient elderly. Steelers 100, Ravens 0.
Nov. 11 vs. Browns: The Steelers announce a groundbreaking contract with Troy Polamalu. It's worth nothing over 15 years. "Money, like Gatorade, is evil," Polamalu says, before picking off 10 Brady Quinn passes. Steelers 100, Browns 0.
Nov. 18, at Jets: Roethlisberger throws a TD to each of the 11 tight ends on roster. Steelers 77, Jets 6.
Nov. 26, vs. Dolphins: Faneca allows Joey Porter several free shots at Roethlisberger. Porter (0 tackles, 1 assist) whiffs every time but celebrates wildly. Steelers 100, Dolphins 0.
Dec. 2, vs. Bengals: Fresh off his latest suspension, Chris Henry rejoins the Bengals fitted with a mouthpiece that doubles as a Breathalyzer. He catches five TD passes -- all on fade patterns against Taylor -- then blows a 0.98. Bengals forfeit. Lewis blames Cincinnati police. Steelers 2, Bengals 0.
Dec. 9, at Patriots: Lawrence Timmons records his first NFL tackle. Steelers 100, Patriots 0.
Dec. 16, vs. Jaguars: CBS commentator Bill Cowher rips the Steelers for being "too conservative" and wonders why Ricardo Colclough isn't returning punts. Jaguars 3, Steelers 2.
Dec. 20, at Rams: The Steelers lose when special teams coach Bob Ligashesky, recalling his Pitt days, orders a "swinging gate" during a PAT. A befuddled Jeff Reed kicks wide. Rams 20, Steelers 19.
Dec. 30, at Ravens: Faneca walks off the field during potential game-winning drive. Hines Ward, in a show of solidarity, follows him. Both appear on coach Mike Tomlin's postgame version of "The News." Ravens 14, Steelers 10.
Next morning: "This season has been very tough on me," says Faneca, fighting back tears on his way to the bank. "They made me play without security."
Adds Ward, "I miss Joey."