Twas the night before, the night before Christmas, when all through the lair,
Not a creature was stirring, except maybe a panther?
The stockings were hung by Heinz field with care,
In hopes that a division championship so will be there.
The yinzers were snuggled all warm in their seats,
While visions of Lombardi’s got them all geeked,
And my buddy with his scarf, and I with my jacket of down,
Had just got to our seats to see this beatdown.
When out at the fifty there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter,
Away to the railing I flew like a rocket,
To see the Steelers defense collapsing the pocket.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature quarterback (Jimmy Clausen), and eight Steelers standing near.
With a little old coach, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. DICK.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Diesel! Now, Hampton! Now, Woodley and Harrison!
On, Timmons! On Taylor! On, Clark and Farrior!
To the line of scrimmage! We will all form a wall!
Now blitz away! Blitz away! Blitz away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with a blocker, they’d power on by,
So up to the quarterback the defenders they flew,
With many bad intentions, and St. DICK Lebeau too.
And then, in a blinking, I heard the crowd roar
The defense sacked again and little Jimmy on the floor.
As I drew in my eyes, and was turning my head,
Ben was on the field with ball in his hand.
He was dressed in black and gold, from his head to his foot.
And his clothes were all tarnished with blood and with soot;
A bundle of defenders he flung off his back,
And he looked like a god while avoiding the sack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like…cornflakes?
He spoke nary a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all his receivers; then turned to the jerk (BA),
And walking over to him after stepping in a puddle,
“We need to go to more of the no-huddle!”
He sprang back to his team and gave them a whistle,
And away they all flew down the field like a missile,
As the Steelers pounded the Panthers and fans cheered the site,
They turned to the crowd and said:
“MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!”