Well Christmas is right around the corner, the mistletoe is out, the tree is up, and little boy sand girls are making their lists for Santa.
I'm sure the folks in the front offices of all 32 teams in the NFL are a little too busy this year to make their lists, so I've gone ahead and done it for them.
No thanks necessary Santa, just no lump of coal for me this year OK?
Dear Santa, for Christmas please give these teams the following things....
Arizona Cardinals: We would love some consistency. In the weak NFC we could have made a run for the playoffs, might even still...but we need to win more then 2 games in a row.
Atlanta Falcons: Sheesh, where to start...Hell I don't even know, just bring us Jamal Anderson, Chris Chandler and Dan Reeves and take us back to 1998...thanks. P.S maybe bring a little piece of mind for Arthur Blank? He needs it right now.
Baltimore Ravens: Could you bring us a dog collar that shocks us every time we turn the ball over, yap our mouths off, or call a timeout when we don't need too...thanks.
Buffalo Bills: This one's easy...a playoff berth for Kevin Everett, he deserves it.
Carolina Panthers: A cryogenic freezing chamber for Vinny Testerverde so we can preserve him for another 70 years. Oh yeah, and maybe another offensive playmaker not name Steve Smith.
Chicago Bears: Another Devin Hester to play QB, RB, WR, TE, OL and any other position you feel necessary. And some Ben **** for Urlachers back.
Cincinnati Bengals: A defense please, preferably one that won't let the Browns put up 50 on us for once. Oh and a pair of scissors for Domata Peko's hair.
Cleveland Browns: A couple of playoff tickets for Butch Davis; show him how the Browns are supposed to play. As well maybe some Tylenol for the linebackers that Jamal Lewis is running over, he feels bad.
Dallas Cowboys: We don't need much Santa, but Terry Glenn back sooner rather than later would be nice. And another rendition of "Don't Stop Believing" by Tony Romo...that was great last time.
Detroit Lions: A time machine, so we can go back and change Kitna's prediction to 6 wins instead of 10. Along with that, we would like an extra lung for Shaun Rogers, so he doesn't leave the game every third play.
Denver Broncos: Some run defense please would be wonderful. I would have asked for a running back, but it seems we just pull them out of our behinds on a regular basis.
Green Bay Packers: One more Super Bowl for Brett so he can go into the off-season on top; and then leave us in suspense for months on whether he'll retire or not.
Houston Texans: Another locker for the chip that's on Mario Williams shoulder. It's a little too big to fit anywhere else. Oh and I don't know if they asked for him or not, but Green Bay can have Ahman Green back.
Indianapolis Colts: See Santa List from 2006, it seemed to do the trick last time.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Some Gatorade or Motor Oil for Fred Taylor, we're still not sure if he's human or machine.
Kansas City Chiefs: Santa there's this thing in football that is kind of important to have in order to be successful. It usually consists of 5 behemoth men, ready to beat the snot out of any defensive player that comes at them. It's called an offensive line, we need one desperately.
Miami Dolphins: Ummmm, jeez I don't know...ummmmmm......hold on, I'll think of something here...ummmm...damn, oh wait yah that's right...A WIN.
Minnesota Vikings: Good fortune and continued growth of Tavarias Jackson and Adrian Peterson, I'm not sure if you've heard, but they're kind of our future. But if you happen to screw that up, just send us Donovan Mcnabb next year as compensation.
New England Patriots: Obviously Santa we would like a perfect season, and if you didn't realize that already you are too stupid to even talk to us. A matter of fact just stay away from us, we're better than you, and if you don't we'll hang 50 points on you too.
New Orleans Saints: If you could somehow get the Mojo back from last years season, and then inject into our blood for this season that would be great. If not, you could just tell Tom Benson to keep our team in NO. This city really needs us.
New York Giants: A force field for Eli Manning, not to deflect the defense, but to deflect the crap that's being hurled at him from the New York media. Oh and a playoff ticket for Tiki, we would like to invite him personally.
New York Jets: A cage so we can finally settle this Mangini-Belicheck fued the right way; in a no-holds barred cage match. First to bloody the opponents head with a video camera wins.
Oakland Raiders: A mulligan for our last five drafts please. Oh you probably can't do that, so just switch our roster with New England's, thanks.
Philadelphia Eagles: A one way ticket out of town for Donovan Mcnabb please. But shhhh, don't tell anyone. We want people to think we still like him.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Some extra face muscles for Mike Tomlin and Anthony Smith respectively. Some to make Tomlin smile for once, and some to keep Smiths mouth shut. Oh, and throw in a touchdown for Willie Parker, he needs a few.
San Diego Chargers: How about a yo-yo for our whole team, I think it would be a fitting way to sum up our season.
San Fransisco 49ers: We would like someone to play defense for us, after we spent all that money on them and all. If not, I hear Barry Bonds is available.
Seattle Seahawks: Santa, we aren't asking for much this year, just for you to keep us in this horrid division. We like having the playoffs sewn up by Christmas.
St.Louis Rams: We'd like for all the sports media to believe in us again, because well they did this year, and we kinda sucked. So we'd like to try again. Also a quarterback that stays healthy and is not named Gus Frerotte and Brock Berlin would be great.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: We'd like for Jeff Garcia to lead us to the playoffs, or Luke McCown, or Bruce Gradkowski, or Chris Simms, or whoever the hell else Jon Gruden brings in to play QB for us. Can we also get another Cadillac? Our old one keeps breaking down.
Tennesee Titans: We would like some playmakers on offence to help our main man Vince Young, and on defense well we would like some playmakers for our main man Albert Haynesworth. Oh and if you could keep big Al healthy that would be nice, see we don't play defense when he's out.
Washington Redskins: Santa we ask that every young boy and girl can learn a lesson from Sean Taylor, and that is to live life to fullest, because you never know when it may end. And Santa we ask that you give a little extra to his little girl this Christmas, Lord knows she deserves it.