Since the Striped Season went into Offseason mode in Week 2 courtesy of the wonderful prep-work of the Trifecta of Terror, I've decided that the Pittsburgh Steelers, a team I have made a lifetime of despising, must win the AFC North and return to oblivion this "I'm blowing a wad in my pants because we didn't lose" team known as the second version of the Cleveland Browns.
Yes it's a long sentence but it's a very passionate statement for me. I've seen too many Braylon Edwards jerseys lately that not only cause my eye sight to fail me but my proper linguistic skills have gone awry as well. A time of sufferage: when suddenly everyone is a Browns fan and Butch Davis never existed. Art Modell never moved and this town does not smell like an 85 yr old's undies.
I've circled this week on the calendar and finally... the time is here! It's like Christmas. Get me an umbrella and... after brutallizing the next "Derek Anderson is going to the Pro Bowl" believer with this umbrella... I'll sing any merry tune in a downpour, which likely is acid rain from the festering stench of the lake. I feel like throwing it in Julie Andrews and singing about raindrops on roses and mittens on kittens. Aw yes, the time for a loss is here!
After everyone went into labor in the streets of Cleveland last night at the conclusion of a victory over a marginally slightly below average Seahawk team, I'm looking forward to an increase in abandoned babies this weekend. The November Super Bowl will be put on hold and the Pro Bowl declarations will finally ring silent sparing the remaining few of some sanity within a 60 mile radius. The Fat Man will pout on the sidelines, the aforementioned Braylon Edwards will continue to drop passes, the Lesser Kellen Winslow will celebrate not being thrown to, and the 900 million dollar line will give up sacks like Rosie O'Donnell talking about Chinese people on national TV.
Please Pittsburgh Steelers, defeat the wretched Cleveland Browns (that second football team in Cleveland).