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Prosdo
06-24-2007, 10:50 PM
PNC Park Threatens To Leave Pittsburgh Unless Better Team Is Built

July 20, 2006 | Onion Sports

PITTSBURGH—After five years of serving Pittsburgh as their state-of-the-art sporting facility, PNC Park, the home of the rundown, poorly maintained Pirates, said Tuesday it is threatening to leave Pittsburgh unless a new team can be built within the next three years.
Enlarge Image PNC Park

"I love the city of Pittsburgh, but the Pirates are an old, dilapidated club built from other teams' spare parts, and its very foundation is rotting away," the stadium said to reporters assembled in its press box. "I had every intention to stay here for the duration of my career as a ballpark, but given that I haven't seen any realistic long-term plans for improving my resident team's ramshackle condition, I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about taking my services elsewhere."

The young stadium, regarded as one of the best of the recent crop of real-estate development projects throughout the league, added that "after this year's All Star Game, I have learned that a ballpark of my caliber deserves to host that kind of play every day."

"The Pirates have become such an eyesore that I've even had to resort to bringing in different teams each week to play in me," the stadium said.

Although Pirates owner Kevin McClatchy said he is doing everything in his power to keep the park in Pittsburgh—attempting a rebuilding process every few years, making small free-agent additions, and erecting a new six-foot-tall outfielder in left field—the stadium dismissed the moves as nothing more than "a fresh coat of paint on a team that's in danger of collapsing under its own weight."

Mets owner Fred Wilpon has been vocal about his interest in bringing PNC Park to New York for the 2007 season so that it may take over for an aging Shea Stadium.

"The New York Mets have all the necessary components in place to fulfill PNC Park's needs," Wilpon said. "We have a gleaming new shortstop in Jose Reyes. We have a visually stunning, jaw-dropping player in Carlos Beltran. And the infrastructure of our minor-league system is designed to ensure that PNC Park will be inhabited by great ballplayers for years to come."

"Also, PNC Park has already established a good rapport and budding friendship with this year's Home Run Derby runner-up David Wright—the bedrock of our team's stability," Wilpon added.

Though PNC Park would not elaborate on its relationship with Wright, it did say that Wright mentioned how much he enjoyed its dimensions, especially those in left and left-center.

Pittsburgh fans were irate upon hearing news of the stadium's possible relocation.

"If that ballpark left, this city would be devastated," said Pittsburgh resident Howard Valinsky. "I make a point of taking my kids down to the stadium during Pirates away games so they can stand outside of it and marvel at the rugged limestone and the blue steel—both of which have had an excellent year despite rainy conditions."

Valisnky added: "The fact that McClatchy hasn't given this stadium the sort of beautiful, well-designed team it deserves is a travesty. Let's face it, the Pirates have been falling apart for years. Frankly, I find myself wondering if it's even safe for fans to be near them."

The stadium echoed Valinsky's sentiments, saying, "The fans have been so great at being there for me. But if I can't hold a team that can compete, then what's supposed to hold me here?"

In a last-ditch effort to keep PNC Park, a citywide referendum will be added to this year's midterm election that, if passed, would draw from a property-tax fund to aid McClatchy in assembling a new, state-of-the-art team by 2010.

PNC Park, however, is not convinced.

"When I came here in 2001, they promised me a championship team," the stadium said. "I was warned by venerable and much-beloved Three Rivers Stadium—which imploded soon afterwards, as you know—that I should look elsewhere, that this team was set in its ways and not focused on rebuilding, that they were simply using me as a means to make money," the stadium said. "I was young and brash and I didn't listen. Now that I am more mature and have settled a bit, I realize I have to do what is best for me and my family."

In the event that the Pirate organization does not have the financial wherewithal to meet the park's demands, there are contingency plans in place to attract other stadiums to the city. While the league has said it frowns on the idea of putting an expansion stadium in the Pittsburgh area, some have floated the idea of bringing over old Tiger Stadium, which went into forced retirement in 2000.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50814

:lol: This one gave me a laugh.

SteelerDave74
06-24-2007, 10:53 PM
Okie Dokie. I was stratching my head on this one til I found out at the end it was a joke. Nice catch there.

manofsteel
07-01-2007, 02:26 AM
Oh That was funny good one

Dako
07-01-2007, 11:46 AM
nice one....love the onion!

stillers4me
07-01-2007, 12:30 PM
Picture in my head..........

......arms popping put of the side of the stadium, hikes up the bottom and legs hit the ground while stadium walks out of the Burgh for good. :bluelol:

BlitzburghRockCity
07-01-2007, 12:41 PM
If I was the stadium I'd be pissed too. I mean look what's right beside her, Heinz Field, a place that holds the beloved Steelers and stadium that sells out every week. Yet here I sit, a beautiful venue that hosts a ridiculous excuse for an MLB franchise. I'd be walking out of the city too if I was PNC Park :lol:

SteelerFan87
07-03-2007, 04:09 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hahahahahaha! That was awesome Prosdo! I loved all the references to the things that were said and done back when the Pirates were trying to get us to pay for PNC Park, like "a citywide referendum will be added to this year's midterm election that, if passed, would draw from a property-tax fund to aid McClatchy in assembling a new, state-of-the-art team". :lol:

BlackGold4vr
07-03-2007, 04:46 PM
These are the 6 teams who are leading their divisions:

Boston Red Sox $ 143,026,214
New York Mets $ 115,231,663
Los Angeles Angels $ 109,251,333
Milwaukee Brewers $ 70,986,500
Cleveland Indians $ 61,673,267
San Diego Padres $ 58,110,567

Milwaukee, Cleveland and San Diego all seem to be getting the most for their money. But few would argue that the other 3 division leaders have a better shot at winning a WS.

These 4 teams are amongst the leagues worst teams and to nobodies surprise they are the teams with the smallest payrolls. I am not saying that you need to be amongst the top teams in payroll to win a world championship........there are plenty of teams that have disproven that myth. But when has a team that paid the least, won the most? You want a talented team that can compete all the way through October? You are gonna have to pay for it and that is something that Pirate management have refused to do. What is it now, 15 going on 16 seasons without even a sniff of post season play? Does it look like there is an end to that drought coming anytime soon? Won't happen until a new ownership group comes in that is willing to invest in the team! Don't be jealous of the Dodgers or the Cardinals attendance numbers........those teams pay back their fans by fielding talented laden teams that always contend. When you show a little loyalty to your fans they are much more likely to give it back. Want proof? Go next door and talk to the Rooney's.

Pittsburgh Pirates $ 38,537,833
Washington Nationals $ 37,347,500
Florida Marlins $ 30,507,000
Tampa Bay Devil Rays $ 24,123,500

These teams really shouldn't even be considered major league teams......they are nothing more than farm teams to be picked through each year by the teams in contention like a buzzard picking the last remnants of meat off of a carcass. :cope:

SteelerFan87
07-03-2007, 05:12 PM
Pittsburgh Pirates $ 38,537,833
Washington Nationals $ 37,347,500
Florida Marlins $ 30,507,000
Tampa Bay Devil Rays $ 24,123,500


And you know what's sad? All 3 teams below the Pirates in payroll have brighter futures than the Bucs. The Nationals are getting a new stadium, and have pretty rich owners who are planning to spend more once they move into the new building. (Yeah, our owners said the same thing, so we'll see about this)

The Marlins are in the early stages of yet another rebuilding phase, and already they have lots of talented young players and in a few years, when they add a bit of money, will probably be ready to contend for another World Series (or at least a decent playoff run).

Even Tampa Bay has a brighter future than the Bucs, because unlike us, they've been willing to draft the best player available.

Meanwhile, the Pirates continue to maintain the status quo.

memphissteelergirl
07-05-2007, 01:17 PM
Picture in my head..........

......arms popping put of the side of the stadium, hikes up the bottom and legs hit the ground while stadium walks out of the Burgh for good. :bluelol:


:hilarious::hilarious:

I think you just gave an editorial cartoonist a great idea!