View Full Version : A Super Premoniton

02-04-2007, 04:11 PM
this is an article by a good sports satirist for a newspaper in my area

You’ve got enough beer to quench an Army. More chips than poker.com. Nobody else is nearby because — let’s face it — serious fans watch the game alone.

Parties are for fakers who don’t know jack about football. If some guy tries to explain a cover-2 defense, walk away because there’s only a two percent chance he’s not lying. And only three people are allowed to watch before it’s no longer a game, but an event.

Clear your schedule, turn off your phone and set the TiVo so you can replay the good parts. It’s time for the biggest annual event in America. Here’s how the night should go.

5:59 p.m. — “Joe” from Baltimore e-mails for the 50th time touting his Super Bowl pick. Says he’s due some publicity after having three great days picking hockey and basketball games. Three days? My dog Rudy could pick winners for three days, but then he is one smart pup. Joe won’t say who he likes unless I promote him. Sorry. I’m taking Chicago, 28-24.

6:20 — Billy Joel sings national anthem. Bodog.com has an over/under of 1 minute, 44 seconds for his rendition, which is really a long time. Take the under.

6:34 — Peyton Manning throws his first interception.

6:37 — Your wife yells, “Dinner’s ready.” She’s kidding, right?

6:55 — Chicago leads, 7-0, on Devin Hester’s punt return. Atlantic Coast Conference fans remember the former Miami Hurricane as a blur.

6:56 — Manning drinking game begins. You have a shot every time the Colts passer is in a commercial. Plan on being blotto by the third quarter.

7:15 — Manning throws his first touchdown pass. Redskins owner Dan Snyder asks how long before Manning is a free agent.

7:37 — Chicago goes ahead, 14-7, on linebacker Brian Ulacher’s one-yard touchdown catch after lining up at tight end. Walter Payton spins in his grave again.

7:58 — Joe Namath is seen smooching Suzy Kolber on the sidelines.

8:12 — Blessed relief — halftime. Prince is rocking the house, but must wear chastity belt to avoid “wardrobe malfunction.” Have you heard some of his lyrics? If anybody is getting naked, it’s Prince.

8:20 — Snyder runs into Bill Cowher at the buffet line. Offers 10-year, $123 million package to become Redskins coach in 2008. Steelers owner Dan Rooney demands first-rounder for compensation. Snyder throws in a third and says, “Keep the change.”

8:37 — Manning tosses second pick. Scoreboard is now eight commercials, two interceptions and one touchdown.

8:38 — Make that nine commercials. Snyder tosses in a fourth-rounder for Rooney’s front row seat in the owners’ box so he can see over the noisy kids in the back. Darn third graders.

9:12 — You wake up after missing five minutes of the third quarter. Indianapolis leads, 24-21. How did that happen?

9:30 — Your stupid brother-in-law — the Colts fan — calls to rub in his pick. Told you to turn off the phone.

10:05 — Bears take 28-24 lead with 2:09 remaining on Rex Grossman’s 38-yard touchdown pass. Cameras pan to Peyton on the bench saying something that lip readers won’t translate.

10:17 — Manning throws fourth pick. Game over. Everyone says Peyton can’t win the big one. They’re right.

10:18 — Call your dumb brother-in-law and collect on the bet — free yard work for a year. Sucker.

10:28 — ESPN projects Baltimore versus Dallas in next year’s Super Bowl.


02-04-2007, 04:15 PM
Funny stuff! :lol:

02-04-2007, 04:29 PM

02-04-2007, 05:16 PM
:lol: Pretty funny SC09 :bigthumb:

House of Steel
02-04-2007, 05:56 PM

02-04-2007, 06:10 PM
Funny stuff bro.....:lol:

02-04-2007, 10:58 PM
:lol: :lol: