PDA

View Full Version : Who Helps With a Flat Tire in the NFL?



SteelDad
02-01-2011, 09:45 AM
Packer Fan and Steeler Fan, Why We Aren’t That Different

I was trying to think of way to describe the wonderful traditions and fan bases of these two outstanding franchises and while I respect the Packers a great deal, make no mistake, I hope we beat the snot out of them. So I came up with the following scenario…

A person driving along a highway has suffered a blow out and looks helpless along the side of the road. Hardcore fans of all 32 NFL franchises drive by and do the following:

1. Pats Fan: Will not stop but instead will take the next exit and circle back out of sight in order to secretly film stranded motorist.
2. Jets Fan: Will pull up slowly and will spew a barrage of insults at the motorist just for being stranded and then drive off.
3. Bills Fan: Will stop momentarily, ask the motorist if they know of a good place for wings and if there are any decent QB’s in free agency and then drive off.
4. Dolphins Fan: Will have Gloria Estefan blaring from the radio and will be too late for a tanning appointment to even consider stopping.
5. Browns Fan: Will flip the bird, contemplate the meaning of life afterward, and then wonder if ‘this’ is their year for the 50-somethingist straight year.
6. Bengals Fan: Will pull up and ask “Is your last name Brown?” When motorist says “No,” they’ll start to help but then remember they have to get home in time to see if a Steeler fan bought their tickets for next season’s game at THEIR stadium.
7. Ravens Fan: Will immediately see visions of Troy Polamalu while looking at stranded motorist and then, following the blackout, awaken to find themselves in a ditch.
8. Titans Fan: Will pull up behind the stranded vehicle, but will struggle to get any closer than 1 yard to the tire. They eventually give up and say, “Go Vols!”
9. Colts Fan: Will no doubt consider helping but know they cannot afford to get their white Peyton Manning jersey dirty. Nevermind that they have about 20 more white ’18 jerseys’ at home because there is no other Colt worth having.
10. Jags Fan: Will immediately notice that the vehicle has empty seats and will offer to cover them up with a large tarp and claim “Those seats aren’t empty.”
11. Texans Fan: Will pull up and offer to help but the Ford F-350 they are driving is too damn big and would wreck the motorists’ vehicle.
12. Raiders Fan: Stops to help, but spikes on shoulder pads rupture spare tire. Blames motorist and leaves for Al Davis funeral. They hope…..
13. Chargers Fan: Would arrive 1 hour after motorist was already attended too and then dream that Marty Schottenheimer came back to coach.
14. Chiefs Fan: Would certainly pull off to help but instead would fire up BBQ and try selling to passing motorists.
15. Broncos Fan: Would send out Tweet asking Tim Tebow to come and fix it.
16. 49ers Fan: Would pull off, ask stranded motorist for directions to 1980’s glory and then leave.
17. Seahawks Fan: Would blame motorist for getting flat tire and then explain to them exactly how to whine to insurance company to get their way. And would fail.
18. Cardinals Fan: Would pull off and say “Are you a quarterback? We need a quarterback.” Motorist says “No” and Cards fan drives off swerving in all directions.
19. Rams Fan: Would pull over and say “I saw Dick Vermiel cry over lesser things than a flat tire!” And drive off.
20. Lions Fan: Would pull over and ask motorist if this is American made car. “Yes” says motorist and Lions fan says “Great! Now when is the draft?” And drive off.
21. Bears Fan: Would pull over and in good ol’ Midwestern civility say, “Of course I’ll help.” Unfortunately, too much kielbasa and beer causes heart attack. He falls back into highway where he is run over by Wisconsin Dairy truck.
22. Vikings Fan: Recognizes a “4” in the license plate number of stranded motorist and goes into fit of rage causing 20 car pile-up that backs his team up 10 years.
23. Bucs Fan: Pulls over and says “Pewter or creamsicle?” Motorist says “Is pewter really a color?” Bucs fan drives off.
24. Falcons Fan: Sees a patch of ice and immediately hits brakes and starts bemoaning “Matty Ice” nickname for pathetic post-season performance. Slams into 20-car pile-up which is now a 21-car pile-up.
25. Saints Fan: Pulls over not to help but to seek attention now that team is no longer relevant. Not getting enough attention from motorist, Saints fan leaves looking for others who want to talk about ‘magical season.’
26. Panthers Fan: Cannot afford a car right now so wouldn’t be out driving anyway.
27. Eagles Fan: Stop to help? Are you crazy? They would take dead aim at stranded motorist who dives out of the way. Eagles fan careens into telephone pole, gets out screaming ‘Bees!!!!!’ and passes out.
28. Giants Fan: Cannot stop because they are thinking about epic collapse against Eagles and with life imitating life, Giants fan cannot stop anymore than G-Men couldn’t stop Vick.
29. Cowboys Fan: Pulls over to assist motorist. Motorist says,”Thank you so much for helping!” Cowboys Fan says, “I’m not helping, I’m looking for a GM that knows what the F@#$ they’re doing!” Motorist says, “Isn’t your owner the GM?” Cowboys Fan says, “Exactly” and drives off.
30. Redskins Fan: Pulls over to help but then starts soliciting for anyone who will take the most money to actually do all the work only to fail miserably.
31. Packers Fan: Done ice fishing for the day, Packers Fan stops to offer help because he has nothing better to do. Gets the car the jacked up, but needs a break. Grabs a couple of Milwaukee’s Best from his cooler and starts talking about the beauty of bratwurst.
32. Steelers Fan: Sees motorist and what appears to be truck pulling ice shanty stuck in snow in front of motorist. He does not wait for exhaustion and reaches immediately for an IC Light, chugs it and fixes flat tire. Packers Fan says thanks for helping offering a piping hot bratwurst. The two fans and the motorist share in the delights of the fine meat and beer and when it’s time to go they all shake hands. Packers Fan says, “Any chance you can get me out of the snow?” Steelers Fan says “Sure, but what about you’re blowout?” Packers Fan says “What blowout?” and Steelers Fan says “The one we’re going to put on you Sunday night!”

Marc Uhlmann
www.steeleraddicts.com (http://www.steeleraddicts.com)

LarryNJ
02-01-2011, 10:45 AM
Nice job! :)

2 things I noticed:


10. Jags Fan: Will immediately notice that the vehicle has empty seats and will offer to cover them up with a large tarp and claim “Those seats aren’t empty.”

They learnt that from the Pirates at 3 Rivers! :)


reaches immediately for an IC Light.....The two fans and the motorist share in the delights of the fine meat and beer

That's not beer! People really don't drink that do they?

SteelDad
02-01-2011, 12:23 PM
Nice job! :)

2 things I noticed:

.”

They learnt that from the Pirates at 3 Rivers! :)

Good point re: 3 Rivers....

That's not beer! People really don't drink that do they?

I was wavering between any number of local beers so I went with an obvious one.

BlitzburghRockCity
02-01-2011, 12:50 PM
:lol: Great job Marc, I love it!

LarryNJ
02-01-2011, 12:53 PM
I was wavering between any number of local beers so I went with an obvious one.

:):yellowthumb:

jd1000
02-01-2011, 11:49 PM
I would have figured the Ravens fan would be too toked up on some "bubonic chronic" and thus would have been too high to notice the stranded motorist. Either that or they wouldnt stop because they would be running from the police.

JD from Utah