View Full Version : Week 3: What the hell Happened?

09-22-2008, 03:02 PM
Here we go again....just when you think you have a grasp on things, the NFL flips you upside down and drops you on your head. The Dolphins thump the Patriots? Brian Griese for 400 yards? Seriously? Take the entire first round of your fantasy draft and just repeat the word "bust" as you check off the names. If this season continues down this path, it will go down as the craziest ever. Onward...
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Snake's Take: This is how sad the Chiefs are this year...a rookie QB lit them up like a Christmas tree and their defense made Michael Turner look like a God. Tyler Thigpen threw 3 INT's for the Chiefs and you have to wonder how in the hell this guy is collecting an NFL check. I mean hell, I can take a snap and throw an INT. I don't even have a fruity name like Tyler Thigpen. This guy's only decision on game day should be "Do I have these 5th graders play dodge ball or kick ball for 5th period gym class?" Larry Johnson finally got his owners some stats, so you have to be happy about that one. Michael Turner continues to be a fantasy stud and if you were smart enough to draft him (pats self on back), then you are loving the early season production. The Falcons aren't this good...the Chiefs are really this bad.

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Snake's Take: The Raiders have simply forgotten how to win. They had this game locked up and then they just went into hibernation mode. 3 Passes the entire 2nd half? The running game died...how can they not throw the rock? To Buffalo's credit, they're learning how to win. They're 3-0 and have proven they can bust the last minute comeback. Marshawn Lynch was a beast today with 83 yards and 2 trips to paydirt. Darren McFadden? Not so much. He's dinged up and it showed. You may want to scoop RB Michael Bush as he looked like the monster everyone predicted he could be. I'm convinced Al Davis is dead. They surgically removed his leather skin and draped it over the world's dumbest robot. He looks like the Emperor from Return of the Jedi and obviously he's lost all football sense.

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Snake's Take: How in the H-E-L-L does Brian Griese throw for 407 yards on the Chicago Bears defense? Someone please explain this to me. I didn't think Griese would throw for 407 yards all season. Antonio Bryant with 10 catches for 138 yards? Where in the hell did that come from? He couldn't catch the clap in Tijuana for years now and he busts out with a game like this? RB Matt Forte is proving to be an absolute monster...89 yards rushing/66 yards receiving and a touchdown. The kid is hanging fat points. The Bears could have easily won this game but things just seemed to be clicking for Tampa. Griese threw 67 damn passes...his noodle arm is going to fall off.

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Snake's Take: At least Gus Frerotte provided a threat of a passing game. No, he didn't hang up fat stats but I honestly believe Gus could hit the broad side of a barn with the ball which gives him a huge leg up on Tarvaris Jackson. Those two sissies aren't talking to each other right now too...grow up Tarvaris. Adrian Peterson played which was a relief to his owners with the hammy issues looming. We'd like more than 77 yards though. The Vikings D just plain shut down the Panthers all day. So much for the return of Steve Smith. 4 grabs for 70 yards? I'm supposed to get excited about that? Thanks a lot Steve. Try punching a time card instead of your teammates you little angry smurf. The Vikes needed this win badly and they locked it up with their D.

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Snake's Take: What the hell happened here? Not only did New England lose...they got THUMPED! The Dolphins couldn't beat Mater Dei High a couple of weeks ago and now they thump what was supposed to be the best team in the AFC? I just don't get this crap. Ronnie Brown rushes for 4 td's and throws another? Who the hell woke him up? I have been saying for the last 2 weeks they need to get him more involved...guess they figured that out. He looked like Jim damn Thorpe today. Nobody on New England could do a damn thing and it has become painfully obvious that Matt Cassel couldn't carry Tom Brady's left testicle with a wheel barrel. Cassel sucks. Moss and Welker owners are lining up to kick him the in yambag. We have to chalk this up as a fluke for now...no way I expect the Dolphins to play this well and the Pats to play this bad over the coming weeks.

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Snake's Take: The Bengals finally woke up! Palmer had 286 and a score, Chris Perry had 74 yards rushing and a score and TJ Houshmazilli had 12 grabs for 146 yards and a score...FINALLY! Hope you didn't bail on them prematurely. Premature Player Ejection is a common problem in males 22-98, so don't worry if you did...they have pills for that. The G-men needed to fight and claw to pull this one out. I'm sure they didn't plan on an Overtime game...they probably had dinner reservations they had to push back. Amani Toomer had to make a fingertip snag in OT for the G-men to pull this one out. Let's hope the felines have finally pulled their whiskers out of their recti (that is plural for rectum right? Recti? Rectums? I like Recti better...makes me sound more scientific.)

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Snake's Take: What happened to Matt Schaub? Has he been beaten into the turf for so long that he just can't play QB anymore? He threw some ducks, one that ended up being a pick-6 that I just couldn't understand. It looked like he was limp-wristing balls all over the place (okay, that sounded really really bad. Sorry.) Andre Johnson is an uber-bust thanks to Schaub lolly-gagging on Sunday's. Steve Slaton broke out big with 116 yards and a score but that's not going to help when your QB throws 3 INT's and ZERO touchdowns. Tennessee used good D, Chris Johnson and 2 scores from Fatdale White to rack up the easy win. Houston...we have a problem.

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Snake's Take: This was actually a pretty good game. Jason Campbell got it done on several key 3rd down situations and the Skins used a balanced attack to win this one narrowly. Kurt Warner was solid as well and L-Fitz put up one of those games we all draft him for with 7 grabs for 109 yards and a touch. I'd love to have some witty comments here that involved male anatomy or someone sucking fuzzy browneye but there's just nothing here. It was a solid game with solid performances. Sometimes vanilla ice cream is just....vanilla ice cream.

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Snake's Take: Wow! Are the Broncos going to be in barn-burners every week? Winning them every time? This team has something magical about it! All the stars came out to play in this one. Reggie Bush was a monster with 150 combined, 11 catches and 2 td's. Brees was over 400 yards for the day, but it wasn't enough. Cutler to Brandon Marshall is looking like the fantasy combo to beat all combos. I have both of them in my local league to go with Michael Turner...think I'm gloating at all? HELL YEAH! The Broncos didn't even need the ref's help to pull out the win this week. I was impressed with the Saints in this one...both these teams wreak of playoffs.

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Snake's Take: You just know there was a room full of schedule-makers who put this one down on paper...paused for a second...all looked at each other and busted out laughing for 5 minutes. There should be some sort of anti-crappy matchup formula in the NFL. Something like Winning % of team A + Winning % of team B = more than .0134. JT O'Sullivan was sharp and Frank Gore was an absolute beast as they rolled the Lions. Rudi Johnson showed up for the Lions with 131 total yards and a td, but it's hard to get excited about anything to do with the Lions. Matt Millen should start looking for jobs NOW! The Lions are a mess. There is no fix for this...blow it up and start over.

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Snake's Take: We should just let the Rams play the Lions every week and see what happens. I really don't know which team is worse right now. The Rams got thumped by a pretty crappy Seattle Seahawk team. Julius Jones had 140 yards and a score...that's back-to-back big weeks for him. Of course he's playing the crappiest teams in the NFL, which coincidentally happen to be their divisional rivals. That division is horrid. They should be stripped of their playoff slot. Anyone here want to see St. Louis, Seattle, Arizona or San Fran in the playoffs? Didn't think so. The Rams are just awful and for all those that drafted Steven Jackson...looks like another year of beating your head against a brick wall chanting "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!".

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Snake's Take: I don't know what happened in Cleveland that has them falling from a playoff team to a scrub-squad, but it has happened. All of a sudden their stellar O-line can't block fruit flies, their QB can't hit water from a boat, and Braylon Edwards couldn't catch a cold butt-*** naked on the North Pole. They are hitting rock bottom. The Baltimore Ravens aren't even an average team and they just handed out a gangster boogie beatdown on the Clowns. 3 INT's on the day for Derek Anderson...Brady Quinn anyone? It is time! The Ravens didn't get jack from Joe Flacco but they were able to run the ball and cash in on the Clowns mistakes. This stuff is getting uglier than Lindsey Lohan's weathered face.

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Snake's Take: Oh....lookie here, Jacksonville finally decided to show up (about 2 weeks later than the rest of the NFL). Maurice Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor ripped through the sorry Colts run D and the Jags pulled out a last second win on the Colts. MJD had 166 total yards and a score and Fraud had 130 total yards. With Bob Sanders out, the Colts can't stop anyone from running on them like a treadmill. Hell, Stevie Wonder could wander his way through their run D for a C-note (sorry Stevie...I just called to say I love you). Joseph Addai scored twice...finally his owners get their reward. Peyton Manning has looked highly average this year. I don't know what the hell is going on. Brady's out, Manning is average, and Jay Cutler is the man (did I mention I own Cutler in many of my leagues? Just checkin')

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Snake's Take: Wow...this game was BRUTAL. It was like two bullies meeting out behind the school at 3 o'clock and knocking the snot out of each other for 3 hours. Westbrook, McNabb and Big Ben all got beat up badly. Westy has an MRI scheduled and Big Ben is very questionable right now. Correll Buckhalter filled in for the injured Westbrook and caught the only td of the game...that was all the Eagles needed. They blitzed the crap out of Big Ben and beat him like he just spilled Kool-Aid on their rug. They hung 9 sacks on the Steelers and it could have easily been more if not for some deft footwork by Big Ben. Willie Parker had 13 carries for 20 yards...paging Mr. Parker, please report to the football field. Thanks.

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Snake's Take: The Cowboys proved they are THE team to beat in the NFL right now. The Pack hung tough in this one but in the end, the Boys just have too many damn weapons. Marion Barber was a beast with 142 yards and his sidekick Super Felix darted for a 60 yard touchdown. Felix Jones is the perfect lightening to MB3's thunder. They're scary good together. Then you have Tony Romo, Jason Witten and TO to worry about. You just can't stop this team. Aaron Rodgers was solid with 290 yards and a rushing TD, but it wasn't enough to hang with the Big Boys. Another crazy week in the books.

09-22-2008, 03:25 PM
:yellowthumb: Good read, I liked the paging Mr.Parker line, but you could have had Walter Payton back there and it wouldn't have made a difference.

09-22-2008, 03:29 PM
I liked the part where he says about Braylon Edwards not being able to catch a cold butt *** naked at the North Pole! :hilarious:

09-22-2008, 05:16 PM
What happend was our O-LINE didnt show up:cursin: