View Full Version : Week 1:What the Hell Happened

09-08-2008, 10:25 AM
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Snake's Take: The 2nd half of this game put me to sleep...literally. It opened with Eli hitting Plax at will but that was about it. I started Clinton Portis...as all his owners did, but I just knew he was going to suck yambag. How many games this year will we have to watch Portis gargle skin-bag? Brandon Jacobs rumbled for his C-note and Eli hit Plax whenever he wanted to. The Deadskins gave us false hope during the pre-season but they're back to what they were. Jason Campbell looking so much better was just a fluke. The Giants have that swagger now with their shiny Super Bowl rings on and they just know how to win now.

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Snake's Take: I had such a gut feeling (not gas) about Michael Turner I just had to make sure I got him in my redraft leagues. I reached where I had to. Sure, I know it's only Detroit but COME ON! 220 yards and 2 td's today. The guy is averaging a country mile per carry between pre-season and today. Matt Ryan looked solid and Michael Turner just exploded. I know Detroit is just slightly better than Mater Dei high school, but Atlanta showed off today. Even Jerious Norwood chipped in 93 yards and a score on just 14 carries. My mom could rumble for a C-note on this sorry D! Calvin Johnson was a beast today with over 100 yards...get used to that. Reality check is these two teams both will suck all season long but at least you know when Michael Turner gets to play a scrub team he'll explode. TNTurner.

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Snake's Take: Cincinnati looked horrendous! Carson Palmer manages just 99 yards and 1 INT? Ocho Cinco has 1 grab for 22 yards? This offense was just putrid. Your local chess club did more scoring this weekend. Baltimore's D is nowhere near what it used to be but Cincy sure made them look that way. Chris Perry's debut fizzled like a bad Fox reality show and the Bengals have to be looking at their team thinking "We suck". How does an offense with that many stars suck that bad? Baltimore won the game with Joe Flacco at QB. Willis McGahee didn't even have to play and they still eeked out the win. Both of these teams suck but Cincy has a special kind of suck to them. If you own Ocho/Palmer/TJ....EJECT!

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Snake's Take: Mike Holmgren's last season is going to be a lonnnnnnnnnnng one. The Seachickens got absolutely Jenna Jameson spanked today. Julius Jones and Maurice Morris couldn't run out of a wet paper bag with machetes. Hasselbeck had NOBODY to throw to and with no running game, their offense was just screwed. Buffalo got good games from Trent Edwards, Marshawn Lynch and Lee Evans. I'll try not to get my hopes up, but they did look very solid against Seattle. Lucky for the Seachickens they're in the worst division in the NFL and can probably still make the playoffs with a 6-10 record.

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Snake's Take: Brett Favre makes his NY debut and pulls out the win for the J-E-T-S. He hit Jerricho Cotchery for a 52 yard td on their 2nd series and from there, you just knew this was a different team. Thomas Jones looked almost shocked by the fact that he actually had room to run. He rang up 100 yards and already matched his touchdown total from last season with a score. The Dolphins couldn't do much of shat on offense...exactly what we expected. The fantasy star of this one for the Phins was TE Anthony Fasano...8 grabs for 84 yards and a score. Keep your eye on him for waiver wire help. Pennington seems to love the guy and with Pennington's noodle arm, a TE is a good player to have. You just got that feeling the Jets now believe they can win...makes Favre worth every penny.

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Snake's Take: Ruh Roh Raggy! Captain America goes down with a knee injury and the Pats have to squeak out a win over KC. Brady didn't even see the 2nd quarter as he went down, and Matt Cassell came on to help the Pats pull of the W. Randy Moss still managed 6 for 116 and a td which shows he can dominate with you at QB. Their defense bottled up the sorry Chiefs offense all day and the Pats were happy to get out with the win. All eyes will now be on Brady and his knee. Sure, they can get by the Chiefs without him, but no way they beat playoff teams without Brady. For all you nitwits that drafted Brady in the 1st round (NEVER DRAFT A QB IN ROUND 1)...you're on pins and needles. Might I suggest copious amounts of beer to deal with your pain?

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Snake's Take: Can someone please tell me why I benched Reggie Bush for Ray Rice? Trying to play the flavor of the week and catch a hot sleeper in favor of a proven solid RB has once again stretched my bat wing over hot coals. Bush racked up 163 total yards and a score...over 100 receiving. He does that all the time. Sure, he's not going to have 20 carries but with the 8 catches he has, he'll do damage. I deserve the swift kick to my tic-tac of love. Drew Brees was off the hook with 343 yards and 3 td's and the Saints D was just good enough to hang on. Nobody from Tampa stood out in the fantasy stat column...get used to that.

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Snake's Take: Another year, another hot Donovan McNabb start. Is it just me or does he start hot every year before he lacerates a pancreas or drops his liver on the turf? McNabb threw for 361 yards and 3 td's with rookie DeSean Jackson proving our draft guide right again with his breakout game. 6 grabs for 106 yards for DeSean, and that is something you can get used to. The kid is a future stud. Greg Lewis and Hank Baskett also had over 100 yards receiving and Brian Westbrook chipped in 91 yards rushing and 2 td's on the day. Philly pretty much flexed all day long and did whatever they wanted to do. I don't know how to clearly communicate just how awful St. Louis is going to be this season...their Suckitude is rare. They will struggle to win more than 2 games. They are really that bad. Steve Jackson owners are going to spend yet another year banging their head into walls wondering why they drafted him.

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Snake's Take: It was the Willie Parker show and for those of you smart enough to draft him, your rewards started TODAY. 138 yards and 3 td's on the day gave Parker's owners something to cheer about all day. The Steelers dominated this one from the opening whistle. Hines Ward had 6 for 76 yards and 2 td's on the day helping the Steelers keep things balanced. I doubt the Santonio Holmes owners are too thrilled with his 2 catches for 19 yards. So much for a breakout huh? Have patience, they didn't really need him today. Willie Parker did whatever the hell he wanted and the entire underneath was open for Hines Ward. Just like my Friday pick suggest...Steelers cover 6 easy.

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Snake's Take: If by some strange reason RB Chris Johnson is on your league waiver wire, he won't be for long. Johnson put up 127 total yards and a td on the day and the Titans' D locked down the Jaguars to pull out the win. Matt Jones with his 6 grabs for 80 yards was the lone star for the Jaguars and the odds of him snorting an 8-ball in his car right now are pretty damn good. Vince Young went out with injury and I'm really hoping none of you are counting on him to carry your fantasy squad...highly average today. Bo Scaife had a big game with over 100 yards and may be worth keeping your eye on for TE points. Chris Johnson was the star of the show today and the sooner the Titans realize he's their best offensive weapon, the more points they'll score.

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Snake's Take: This one went just as we expected...Dallas has so many damn weapons they can play average and still stomp mud in their opponent. Tony Romo threw for 320 yards and a touch to TO and Marion Barber rumbled for 80 yards and 2 td's before leaving with banged up ribs. Felix Jones came on in relief and darted in for another score. The Cowboys looked solid in all aspects of their game. Cleveland on the other hand looked rustier than an old gate. They never really got the run going and the passing game was way off. Braylon Edwards dropped more balls than a clumsy hooker (you know I had to bring back that classic for this first week). I predict the Boys will be in the Super Bowl and I saw nothing today to change that.

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Snake's Take: WOW! What a finish! Jake Delhomme to Dante Rosario in the back of the end zone as time runs out and Carolina pulls off the big W. With Delhomme back and the awesome running tandem of DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart, the Panthers have the look of a winner. You can just see it in how they play now...they believe they can win. Mark it down now, they're headed to the playoffs and will make some serious NFC noise. When you can run the ball like they can, you're in every game. LT had 97 yards rushing and no scores today and I hate to sound like a broken record, I hate to sound like a broken record, I hate to sound like a broken record...he is going to fall off this year. San Diego didn't play bad, but they don't look like AFC Division contenders like they were last year. I know it's only week 1 and the season is long but there was a lot to take from this game.

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Snake's Take: These two teams absolutely blow. They could join forces and still finish in the cellar. Frank Gore was once again the only bright spot for the Niners as he ripped off a 41 yard score on his way to 151 total yards on the day. The rest of this short-bus squad couldn't score in a whore house with a million in cash. Arizona won this game but what the hell? Edge gets 100 yards but no scores and Kurt Warner can't even go over the 200 yard mark? I drafted L-Fitz thinking he'd put up huge numbers with Warner. This was supposed to be one of "those" games. SONOFBIOTCH! If you can't hang fat numbers on San Fran, the rest of the league is going to kick you in the fish-shoot. All I take from this game is I hate both of these teams, they both suck and there should be some sort of NFL limit for sucking. If you reach a certain suck level you get fined. Start charging these teams each 10 million dollars for sucking so bad.

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Snake's Take: I don't know if this was week 1 rust and Peyton Manning hasn't really played yet or the return of the Bears D. We'll find out in the coming weeks. Peyton looked really off but the Bears D also looked hyped. The locked Joseph Addai down to 44 yards rushing and held Peyton in check all night with great pressure. Matt Forte is no joke. You could tell by the end of pre-season this kid was going to be good...while Cedric Benson works security at the Stank-Kitty Lounge Forte will be ripping up the league. With this D and a running game, the Bears could be back...even with possibly the worst QB in the league (sorry Tarvaris Jackson). The AFC is now wide open with the Brady injury and one would think the Colts were the favorites but after this showing they have a ton of work to do.

Link (http://www.pigskinaddiction.com/2008/01/Mon/default.asp)

09-08-2008, 04:49 PM
It was only one week, but it would be great if Indy, cleve, SD, Jacksonville, and the pats played like this the entire season.

09-08-2008, 05:18 PM

09-08-2008, 05:24 PM
pretty sure the bolts game was 26-25

09-08-2008, 05:40 PM
^ No, it was 26-24.

I agree about the second half of the Giants-Eagles game. It was so zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Bengals were awful. They may have just reached a new level of suckitude that they have never seen before. At this point, all they can look forward to is a top five pick in the draft.

09-08-2008, 05:45 PM
^ No, it was 26-24.

I agree about the second half of the Giants-Eagles game. It was so zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Bengals were awful. They may have just reached a new level of suckitude that they have never seen before. At this point, all they can look forward to is a top five pick in the draft. yep, and there suckitude levels were dangerously high last year lol I kinda like it though, I like their fans alot better when they are humble lol. Its gotta be rough being an NFL fan in the state of Ohio lol

09-08-2008, 05:48 PM
I heard Neosporin was working on a new Suckticide ointment. I wonder what they will call it?

09-08-2008, 06:30 PM
I would not like to be a fan of an NFL franchise in Ohio. Life there cannot be good. It must be a strange place.....full of great expectations that soon lead to a huge fall to earth.

Good idea, Toothache. However, I am not sure that even an ointment could help the Bengals. It would be best to wipe the existing franchise from memory and just start all over.