Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback Ben Roethlisberger mentioned this week that he thinks Steelers’ tight end Heath Miller should be running for president. I couldn’t agree more and here’s why;
1. Miller could easily handle defense issues. Is there another tight end in the league that plows through defenders the way that Heath does? Can you imagine Iran threatening Heath Miller with nuclear weapons? He would simply flex one of his mighty ‘guns’ and the Iranian leadership would run in terror.
2. Miller would be great for the economy. When the Steelers need a first down, Miller is often the target. You’ll notice he always seems to get just far enough to convert. He would be great at balancing the budget because he rarely falls short and sometimes just barely gets past the sticks yet gets the job done.
3. Is there anyone better at creating jobs than Miller? The big tight end is excellent at taking up two guys at times with his powerful blocking that can sometimes send guys to the bench. Suddenly, a job opens up and a new victim appears! He’s more than likely going to help create openings for officials who consistently call him for holding when we all know he never does. There are lines of people just waiting for those jobs to come open. Don’t forget the poor safeties, corners and linebackers he abuses on a weekly basis. Those jobs are open to anyone who can contain the big man.
4. Heath Miller would be excellent in education. Miller frequently takes small corners and under-sized linebackers to school as he drive-blocks them seven yards down-field. If Miller misses an assignment it isn’t because he doesn’t know where he’s supposed to be, Miller is a true student of the game who is almost always in position whether on a block or on a passing route.
5. Miller would be excellent for foreign policy. Look, this guy went to the University of Virginia which was founded by Thomas Jefferson, himself a foreign relations expert. Toss in the fact that Miller routinely takes DB’s on round-the-world trips blocking down-field and you have yourself an excellent foreign relations person.
6. Lastly, Miller is just like Teddy Roosevelt. Much like the great “Trust Buster,” Miller lets his actions do the talking for him. You rarely hear from Miller other than an occasional quote following a game here and there. Miller lives by the code that Teddy did, “speak softly and carry a big stick.” This would serve him well in the cutthroat world of politics.
It is with these and many other reasons in mind that I fully support Heath Miller’s candidacy for President of the United States and of course his excellent performance on the field helps too. Anyone for Deebo as his running mate?