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My suggestions for Roger Goodell tonight

When former National Football League Commissioner Pete Rozelle suggested the league should televise its’ annual college player selection most people looked at him as if it were the dumbest thing they’d ever heard. It’s clear the late Commissioner has had the last laugh. The NFL Draft is now one of the most anticipated events of the NFL season outside of the games themselves and the man running the show tonight will be the current NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

I have some very good advice for Mr. Goodell tonight on how he can handle the limelight.

First, Goodell needs to make sure that when he announces the Saints’ first-round draft pick that he doesn’t mention anything about ‘bounties.’ He should look directly at the camera and, oh that’s right, the Saints don’t have a first-round pick. Guess he doesn’t need to worry about that.

When the Saints’ come up for their second round selection, Goodell will more than likely be schmoozing in the back somewhere and will not don’t distance himself from anyone associated with New Orleans. D’oh! The Saints don’t have a second round pick either. There’s a good chance cobwebs will be forming at the New Orleans draft table by the time anyone arrives there to actually do anything associated with the draft.

Back to my advice for Goodell…. When introducing Robert Griffin III, Goodell should be reminded not to get into a ‘sock contest’ with the Heisman Trophy winner because first of all he won’t win and secondly he’ll look like a complete idiot.

When announcing the Cowboys’ selection, Goodell should keep as straight a face as possible. This will make Dallas’ owner Jerry Jones more comfortable and less concerned about his own poorly botox-ed grill.

During the Patriots’ first-round selection, Goodell should do everything he can not to show his love for Owner Bob Kraft. Perhaps he could eliminate the kneeling and bowing this year in the direction of the Patriots’ draft table.

Roger should also be more careful when meeting the player selected by Baltimore which is Goodell’s favorite team and he has said as much. Usually the Commish shares a private joke as the player takes his jersey. Last year he whispered to Jimmy Smith, “I hope you guys kick the Steelers’ ass this season. I’ll be sure to suspend Harrison as often as I can.”

During the New York Giants’ selection there is no need for Chris Berman to continue calling them the New York ‘Football’ Giants seeing as the ‘baseball’ Giants departed like 60 years ago. My advice to Goodell is to slip something in Berman’s Diet Pepsi so he sleeps through the next three days.

And lastly, please don’t announce at the end of the first round that the complimentary buffet is now open because Rex Ryan will be across town before the words are finished coming out of your mouth.

Have a great night Mr. Commissioner!

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